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狂扫14所美帝名校offer,哈佛普林斯顿们抢着要她的原因竟是....

不知道大家是否也和学霸君一样,这几天被一个华裔女孩狂刷屏...就是下面这位👇

据美国新闻网The Tab报道,美国加州橙县华裔女学生萧靖彤(Cassandra Hsio)得知,她已被8所常春藤名校同时录取。

这8所名校包括:哈佛大学、普林斯顿大学、耶鲁大学、达特茅斯大学、布朗大学、哥伦比亚大学、康奈尔大学和宾夕法尼亚大学。因为同时被8所常春藤名校录取,所以卡桑德拉需要在这8所学校中做出选择。

(本文图片来自卡桑德拉·萧个人推特账号,版权属原作者所有)

据报道,在她的美国大学本科申请文书中,萧靖彤撰写了移民家庭学英语的真实故事,文章打动了8所名校的评委。

萧靖彤在文章中描述了她和母亲两人经历的语言煎熬。文章真实地描绘了很多新移民共有的特点。萧靖彤表示,语言并不是破碎的,而是带有一种情感。

“我们用文字建造了一栋房子。房子里虽然有点乱,但这就是我们打造自己家的地方。”

除了父母外,萧靖彤也十分感激她的老师、朋友及生活导师等人。

萧靖彤是一位多才多艺的女孩,在学校的时候经常做为一名青少年记者做一些采访,并且编写舞台剧故事。

被常春藤名校录取后,萧靖彤分享了她的大学申请经验,表示她的写作帮助她取得可喜成果。她还说,喜欢写作是源于自己从小就喜欢阅读。

萧靖彤在介绍她的申请作文时说,她的父母是第一代移民,妈妈出生在马来西亚,爸爸出生在中国台湾。

当她大约五岁的时候,一家人搬到了美国。英语不是他们的长项。萧靖彤说:“对我来说,在一个移民家庭中长大,是很有意思的。”由于英文发音不准,在这个家庭中,完全是用一种特殊的语言进行互动。

由于发音的不准确,萧靖彤不得不到语言专家那里进行训练。同学们也都笑话她,因为她把“accept”错发成“except”,将“success”错发成“sussess”。她说:“我在创意写作最需要语言的时候,但却失败了。”

萧靖彤在她的作文中称,在他们家,英语不是英文,不是在单词的意义上,而是在发音上。“snack”(小吃)被说成了“snake”(蛇),将“film”(电影)说成了“flim”。虽然是不正确的发音,但萧靖彤的家中彼此都能够互相听得懂。

在说到自己被这么多顶尖大学录取的感受时,萧靖彤说,她依然还在“消化”这些好消息,

“当你在电子信箱中里收到来自这些大学的邮件时,我看见一个一个的“yes”,一个一个的“恭喜”,这太不现实了

我昨天自己哭了好一会儿,我和我的父母一起庆祝、这么多好大学都愿意录取我,这是我莫大的荣幸。”

(是啊学霸君也想哭...TAT)

同时,根据“世界日报”的报道,18岁的萧靖彤共申请14所大学的写作或新闻类学系,目前全部录取。 萧靖彤有感而发说:之所以申请这么多,主要是亚裔学生能力强,竞争激烈,很怕无法被录取,担心自己没选择。

萧靖彤说:“我接下来会去这些学校一一参观,再作决定。” 不过她透露自己一直很喜欢哈佛大学,七年级时她曾去过哈佛参观。

看到这里学霸君也是疯掉了,八份藤校offer,随便给我一个我也愿意啊TAT...

如此令人羡慕的幸福八选一...

而这也告诉了我们,一份能够打动别人的文书到底有多么重要。

说到这里,大家跟学霸君一起来膜拜一下让人家的文书吧,看看差距到底在哪里👇

In our house, English is not English. Not in the phonetic sense, like short a is for apple, but rather in the pronunciation – in our house, snake is snack.Words do not roll off our tongues correctly – yet I, who was pulled out of class to meet with language specialists, and my mother from Malaysia, who pronounces film as flim, understand each other perfectly.

 

In our house, there is no difference between cast and cash, which was why at a church retreat, people made fun of me for “cashing out demons.” I did not realize the glaring difference between the two Englishes until my teacher corrected my pronunciations of hammock, ladle, and siphon. Classmates laughed because I pronounce accept as except, success as sussess. I was in the Creative Writing conservatory, and yet words failed me when I needed them most. Suddenly, understanding flower is flour wasn’t enough. I rejected the English that had never seemed broken before, a language that had raised me and taught me everything I knew. Everybody else’s parents spoke with accents smarting of Ph.D.s and university teaching positions. So why couldn’t mine?

 

My mother spread her sunbaked hands and said, “This is where I came from,” spinning a tale with the English she had taught herself. When my mother moved from her village to a town in Malaysia, she had to learn a brand new language in middle school: English. In a time when humiliation was encouraged, my mother was defenseless against the cruel words spewing from the teacher, who criticized her paper in front of the class. When she began to cry, the class president stood up and said, “That’s enough.” “Be like that class president,” my mother said with tears in her eyes. The class president took her under her wing and patiently mended my mother’s strands of language. “She stood up for the weak and used her words to fight back.” We were both crying now. My mother asked me to teach her proper English so old white ladies at Target wouldn’t laugh at her pronunciation. It has not been easy. There is a measure of guilt when I sew her letters together. Long vowels, double consonants — I am still learning myself. Sometimes I let the brokenness slide to spare her pride but perhaps I have hurt her more to spare mine.

 

As my mother’s vocabulary began to grow, I mended my own English. Through performing poetry in front of 3000 at my school’s Season Finale event, interviewing people from all walks of life, and writing stories for the stage, I stand against ignorance and become a voice for the homeless, the refugees, the ignored. With my words I fight against jeers pelted at an old Asian street performer on a New York subway. My mother’s eyes are reflected in underprivileged ESL children who have so many stories to tell but do not know how. I fill them with words as they take needle and thread to make a tapestry.

 

In our house, there is beauty in the way we speak to each other. In our house, language is not broken but rather bursting with emotion. We have built a house out of words. There are friendly snakes in the cupboard and snacks in the tank. It is a crooked house. It is a little messy. But this is where we have made our home.

不知道看完文书的你,有没有明白这位妹子到底是因为什么被八所藤校看上。刚开始看到这位华裔女孩照片的你可能会觉得,凭什么这位平凡的女孩就那么幸运被各个名校争相录取,但这份文书说明了一切。

那么什么样的文书能够打动招生官?掌握好下面16个tips你就能坐收offer了!

1.慎用美式英语中一些含有否定意义的词汇

Be careful of using words that have a negative meaning in American English. The word “propaganda,” for example, means something like “government-controlled brainwashing” in the US. (Your best choice is to use the words “marketing” or“publicity” if you want to indicate that you organized a campaign to raise awareness of a certain problem.)

Likewise, in the US we do not use the words“cripple” and “retarded”; we use “handicapped” (or even better, “disabled”) and“developmentally disabled” or “mentally challenged.” We don’t call old people“old people”—we call them “elders” or “the elderly.” And we prefer “businessperson” or “business professional” to “businessman.”

慎用美式英语中一些含有否定意义的词汇。例如,“propaganda”这个词在美国就有点“政府洗脑式”的宣传的意思了。(如果你想要表达你发起一项运动来提高人们对于某一问题的认识的话,最好选用“marketing”或是“publicity”。)同样的,在美国,我们也不会用“cripple”或者是“retarded”之类的词,取而代之的是“handicapped”(disabled更好)以及“developmentally disabled”或“mentally disabled”。我们在称呼老人时也不直接用“old people”,而是用“elders”或是“the elderly”。我们也不经常用“businessman”,而是用“businessperson”或“business professional ”。

2.变换句子的长短

Vary the length of the sentences in your essay. If you have written several long sentences in a row, insert a short sentence to give the reader a break. Variety in your sentences will make your essay easier to read (and thus more memorable).

It also demonstrates that you have a superior command of the English language. And don’t be afraid of including a one-sentence paragraph. Aone-sentence paragraph (especially at the beginning or end of your essay) will be very dramatic and grab the reader’s attention.

变换句子的长短。如果你已经连续用了几个长句,那么插入一个短句能给读者一个停顿的时间。句式多样化能够使你的短文更容易懂,因而也更容易让人记住。这样的句式变换也证明你的英语语言掌握的比较好。同时不要害怕运用一句式段落。一句式段落,(尤其是在短文的开头结尾)会很出彩,也会吸引读者的注意力。

3.不要试图费力地运用一些特别长的句子或者特别大的词汇

If English is your second language,don’t try to make it hard on yourself by writing really long sentences and using large vocabulary words. (Don’t say “internationalization”; just say“international.”

Why use “metropolis” when you can just use “city”?) Remember that the readers are not hoping to be impressed by your vocabulary—they want tobe impressed by your story.

如果英语是你的第二语言,那么不要试图费力地运用一些特别长的句子或者特别大的词汇。(不要用“internationalization”,用“international”就好了。另外,如果你可以用“city”,为什么要用“metropolis”呢?)记住,读者并不希望被你的词汇打动,而是被你的故事所打动。

4.对自己研究过的项目进行详细说明

If you are applying to graduate school, your personal statement will need to include detailed evidence of your research. For example, if you are applying toa graduate program in biology, your PS should include specific descriptions of experiences you have had, such as research projects, internships, work in biological laboratories, and such.

The other key elements for graduate study applications are what you want to study, the field you are interested in, the background you have, why you have chosen this particular program, and your plans after graduation.

如果你正在申请研究生院校,那么你的个人简历就需要包括你研究项目的一些详细的说明。例如,如果你正在申请生物专业的研究生项目,那么你的个人简历就需要对你的研究经历进行详细的描述,比如你的研究项目,实习经历,以及在生物实验这方面的工作等等。研究生学习申请的其他的一些关键因素还包括:你想要研究什么,你对哪一个领域感兴趣,你的个人背景,选择这一研究项目的原因以及毕业后的打算。

5.避免运用一些不恰当的理由

Avoid using inappropriate reasons for why a particular college is attractive to you. (I have actually seen essays where the applicant described how much he “loved” the University of Chicago and wanted to date her, and another where the applicant wrote that NYU was attractive because she just loved the color purple on theNYU website.) You must read the website carefully to discover specific programs, activities, curricula, distinguished professors (and the like) that you can point to and say, “THIS is why I want to go to University X.”

在说明某所大学为何对你有吸引力时,避免运用一些不恰当的理由。(曾经看过申请者在短文中描述自己是如何如何热爱芝加哥大学,并想要和它约会的,而另一个人则在短文中说纽约大学吸引她仅仅是因为她喜欢纽约大学网站上的紫色)。你必须仔细浏览学校官方网站,以便发现一些具体的项目、活动、课程,以及著名的教授,诸如此类的,然后你就可以在短文中指出这就是你想要去XX大学的原因。

6.不要只在短文中陈述学校多么好

Do not tell the school how good it is. “I want to attend the prestigiousUniversity X because it is a top US college with an international reputation,”just sounds insincere.

不要只在短文中陈述学校多么好。“我想要申请著名的XX大学,因为它是美国一所顶尖的大学,在国际上都享有盛誉。”这样说的话会显得不真诚。

7.吸引读者的眼球

Catch the reader’s attention in the first sentence of your essay by writing something dramatic or humorous. In one excellent essay I read, the applicant (hoping to major in entomology), wrote this: “Ahhhh! There are bugs in the shampoo!"Doesn't that make you want to read more? (He then went on to describe how his mother had found one of his “science experiments” involving insects, and how experiences like this made him want to study entomology.)

在短文的开头写一些富有戏剧性的或者是幽默的东西,以吸引读者的眼球。曾有一篇优秀的短文,申请人想要修昆虫学专业,开头他是这样写的:“啊,洗发露里竟然有虫子!读完,难道你不会想要继续读下去吗?(接下来他又描述了他的母亲如何发现了他的一次昆虫“科学实验”,以及这些经历是怎样使他最终想要研究昆虫学的。)

8.首尾呼应

If you start with a story, you can end with some reference to the same story. (Our entomology student, for example, could then mention his mother’s shock again in his last paragraph.)

如果你是以一个故事开头的,那么你可以在结尾的时候再提一下这个故事,所谓“点题”(例如,这位昆虫学的学生在最后一段再次提到他的母亲对他这些行为有多震惊。)

9.恰当的引用能够大大增强文章的可信度

Well-chosen quotations can add powerful credibility to your essay. All you need to do is decide what the key concept of your essay is (such as strength, honor, or patience)and then use the internet to find quotations that use any of these keywords.The best quotations come from persons who are well-known to both Chinese andAmerican readers, and they must be admirable persons. (Past American andChinese presidents are good examples.) The quote should be short, about one powerful sentence in length. Including a striking quotation in your essay is particularly persuasive if you are applying to a humanities program or want to be an English major, as it demonstrates the breadth of your reading.

恰当的引用能够大大增强文章的可信度。而你需要做的就是选定你的文章所要表达的关键点,(比如说个人特长,获得的荣誉,或者是参加的实践活动等等),然后再根据这些关键词在网上搜索有关这方面的引文。最好的引文是出自那些在中国和美国读者中都比较有名并且令人敬佩的人。(前任美国总统,中国主席这些都是比较好的例子。)引文最好简短有力,大概一句那么长。如果你想要申请人文学科项目或者是想要学英语专业,那么这样漂亮的引文会使文章非常有说服力的,因为这样的引用可以证明你阅读广泛。

10.突出自己的个性

Your purpose in writing your essay is to come across as a unique individual, one who stands out from all the other applicants and one whose writing style is lively, fresh, and different. For undergraduate essays, the personal details of your life and the struggles you have had to overcome will make good stories. Good stories are memorable. You don’t have to be a perfect person; indeed, it may be that any “flaws” you have will convince the reader that you are a muti-faceted person who learns from your mistakes. These flaws don’t have to be terrible:You can describe the time that you made complete a fool of yourself before your friends. (Americans call this the “My most embarrassing moment” essay.) Then tell the reader what you learned from this experience.

你的写作目的是为了突出你是一个独特的个体,一个在众多申请者中脱颖而出的人,而你的写作风格也应是生动活泼,新颖清新,与众不同的。对于本科生的文书写作来说,你的个人的生活经历以及奋斗历程都会成为比较好的故事素材。好的故事一定是令人印象深刻的。当然你不必是一个非常完美的人,相反恰恰是这些缺点会使读者相信你是多面的,你是能够从错误中吸取教训的。这些缺点不必是一些特别严重的:你可以描述你在朋友面前出糗的一次经历(美国称这类的文章为“我最尴尬时刻”类文章)。然后再告诉读者你从这次经历中学到了什么。

11.尽可能使你的文章具体一些

Always try to make your writing as “concrete” as possible, meaning that you provide specific examples (or stories) to support your main points. Instead of just writing, for example, “I spent two months doing chemistry research,” describe the nature of that research, what process you used, and what it taught you. Depth is more important than breadth.

The reader will be more impressed by specific details about ONE of your experiences then a list of twenty experiences. (Save the list of experiences for your resume.)

尽可能使你的文章具体一些,这就意味着你要提供一些具体的事例或故事来支撑你的主要观点。例如,不要只是写“我做过两个月的化学研究”,而是应该详细地描述一下这次研究的性质,采用的方法,以及你收获了什么。文章的深度比广度更重要。比起罗列一堆你的个人经历,你的某一次经历中的一些细节更能打动读者(你可以把这些经历用在简历上)。

12.陈述你的宗教信仰也是完全可以的

It is perfectly all right to describe your particular religion in an undergraduate essay. Readers in the US come from many different religious backgrounds and the admission officers will most likely be broad-minded and tolerant. The main thing is not to try and “convert” the reader—you simply want to show how being a Buddhist (or a Catholic, or a Christian, or whatever) has had a profound impact on your life.

本科文书中陈述你的宗教信仰也是完全可以的。美国读者大都来自不同的宗教背景并且学校招生人员也都是心胸比较宽广的人。但不必试图改变读者的宗教信仰,你只需说明作为一名佛教徒(或者是天主教徒、基督徒等等)给你带来了怎样重大的影响。

13.RL写作要点:

A reference letter (or letter of recommendation) should be no longer than one page. The basic format for the first paragraph is to state how long you have known the student and what general attributes this student exhibits (knowledgeable, dedicated, persistent,etc.) that make you honored/delighted/proud to recommend him or her. Each body paragraph should describe in detail each of the general attributes you mentioned in the first paragraph. The last paragraph then simply concludes with something like, “I believe that student so-and-so will be an asset to your esteemed institution and thus I give her my highest recommendation. If you have any questions, please contact me.”

一封推荐信最好不要超过一页。第一段的基本格式是陈述一下你和学生认识多久了,他身上大体是哪些品质(是知识渊博,还是专注投入,还是坚持不懈等这些)使你对于能够推荐他深感骄傲自豪。接下来的每一段就要详细地陈述你第一段中提到的他的那些品质了。最后一段就可以简单地总结一下,你可以这样说,“基于学生的这些表现我相信该学生一定会为贵学校做出贡献,这也是我极力推荐他的原因。如果您有什么问题请及时联系我。”

14.避免在推荐信中提到申请者的外貌

Avoid describing any of the student’s physical attributes. Readers in the US become very uncomfortable when they read that the applicant is “a lovely young girl” or a“strong handsome boy. (Admission officers are not allowed to evaluate you based on what you look like.)

避免在推荐信中描述任何有关申请者的身体特征。如果美国的读者读到说申请者是一个“年轻漂亮的女孩”,或者是一个“相貌英俊,身体强壮的男孩”时,他们会感到很不舒服。(学校那边也是不允许招生办人员根据长相来评估一个学生的。)

15.推荐信中不要含有负面信息

Do not include negative information in a letter of recommendation. Describe onlythe applicant’s successes, not failures.

推荐信中不要包含一些负面信息。只需描述他们的成功,而非那些失败。

16.CV写作要点:干净简单
 

Resumes need to be very clean, clear, simple, and elegant. Do not include fancy fonts or distracting wingdings for bullets. Be sure that your main headings stand out from the text by putting them in bold, or italics, or a larger font size. You want whoever reads your resume to be impressed by your achievements and accomplishments, not by your graphic design abilities.

简历要干净简单,清晰明了,行文优美。不要出现一些花哨的字体或分散人注意力的字体。你可以通过加粗,倾斜,或者放大字体的方式,确保你的大标题和你的正文区别开来。因为你想要给读者留下深刻印象的是你取得的成就和成果,而非你的图文设计能力。

来源:北美学霸君

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